MAMA HAD A BABY........

"How big was it?" The woman asked at the Taco bell drive-thru becoming increasingly annoyed.

"Que' ?" Was her reply. A question with a question. In another language at that. This was just great. Just then she caught herself.

"Sorry. I mean... how big is it? The grilled pig and pecan burrito? I just want to know if I should order two or not."

There was a pause and then-

"Eh?!"

Seriously, fuck this she thought. Deciding to take advantage of no cars being in front of her and boxing her in Rhonda pulled around and would just place her order inside at the counter. There would still be that language barrier obviously. But there was also a picture menu and she happened to be an ace at pointing.

As she entered the door a very smelly woman, who was obviously not an employee, pulled her aside and began blabbering incessantly. Even before the dirty hands would touch her the stench of filthy human invaded both of her nostrils and nearly caused her to retch.

"Do you wanna buy a baby? It's a boy in case thats important," These words from her mouth seemed to emit a putrid smog as Rhonda's jaw hit the floor and bounced back up to her face like a rubber ball.

"Excuse me?!" She roared through her irritation.

The woman began leading her over to a corner by the hallway that lead to the ladies room and pointed down towards the floor where there laid what was obviously a newborn, and surprisingly sedate, baby wrapped in a blanket.

"He's for sale. I am trying to find this young fellow a good home. Some place where they won't chop him into pieces and make cat food out of him."

Rhonda was almost stunned into silence. Almost. She was already late for meeting up with Jerry because the person at the drive-thru must have mistaken Hazel Dell, Washington for somewhere over the border. This had managed to piss her off greatly. All she wanted to do was get some greasy toxic sludge wrapped to go and be on her way. Now she had some crackhead trying to sell her a baby for... well, for what exactly? Money to buy more crack? She could not figure out if she was more disturbed by the fact that some crackhead had bothered to pro-create in the first place or that now she was trying to pawn off her hellchild so that she could get high. The more she thought about it she was sick on both counts actually.

Rhonda gulped for air before blurting out her extended rumbling.

"You are fucking disgusting you know that? Not because you obviously have an aversion to soap but because people like you have no right spewing out children to begin with..... and so here you are."

The woman began shaking her head and protesting.

"No no no. You don't understand. I am only trying to help this child. I am not the mother. Just a concerned citizen."

Rhonda erupted into a fit of laughter.

"A concerned citizen?! What do you think I am? You. Make. Me. Sick. Is this some kind of joke? Is there a manager here?"

This got a rise from the woman who was now on the cusp of full on panic mode. Tears shot from her eyes as if they were bullets from dual pistol barrels and she pleaded with Rhonda.

"Please do not call the manager. You must believe me. I am trying to help this poor child. I admit that I snuck into the kitchen to steal some food but what I saw made me nervous and I had to grab this baby or else something awful was going to happen."

The woman did seem like a freak but this got Rhonda's curiosity pumping iron barbells.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

The tears seemed to instantly dry up on the skin of her face and she spoke softly though still visibly shaken.

"I can't tell you what I don't altogether know. I do wish to save this babies life though. I just can't take care of him myself. I'm also hungry and need to get something to eat. That is what I came in here for. Plans have changed. Donations are necessary."

Rhonda was done. This was sounding more ridiculous by the minute.

"I believe you. You are just trying to prevent something awful from happening. Like maybe having to get your shit together or even worse...  maybe having to take a bath. I can clearly see what is going on here."

The woman bent down to pick up the baby but Rhonda gripped her by the arm in mid-motion. She knew what she had to do.

"Stop. Stop this right now. I'll take the baby and you can be on your way to wherever it is that you people go."

The woman straightened up and her lips broke out in a cautious smile.

"You will?"

Rhonda reached into her pocket and pulled out her wallet. She wanted to help the baby too. But even more she wanted to get her food and get out of here and go to Jerrys, who was probably blowing up her phone right this very minute.

"How much?" She queried with the wallet already open.

The woman contemplated for a brief moment.

"Well I am only trying to get something for lunch and maybe for dinner too. I am not picky. I rarely stray from the 99 cent extra value menu at most places. Let's say.... ten dollars?" She closed her eyes and held out her hand.

Though Rhonda truly felt like punching the fucking bitch in the face she knew this would be over soon. Alerting a manager right this second or calling the police would only prolong the whole ordeal. Besides what was ten dollars when you were trying to help a poor and innocent child who never asked to be born into such a life? As she handed over the crumpled bill her conscience cuddled itself and allowed her to smile knowing that she was doing the right thing. This was confirmed even greater when the smelly baby making crackhead eagerly ripped the money from her grasp and raced out of the door. Rhonda shook her head and even though she knew perfectly well he would not understand her, she whispered out loud to the baby as she picked him up from the floor.

"Lunch or dinner my ass." She laughed and with that the baby burst into chaos. She slid her wallet down into the blanket and began to attempt quieting the screaming demon from Hell.

Just then a woman approached her. Wearing a Taco bell uniform. She was short, rather wide and of apparent Spanish descent. She also had an intense fascination with the baby as she could not take her eyes from him. Before Rhonda could say anything she held out her arms.

"May I?" She asked.

Handing the child over seemed so natural. As the woman held the baby in her arms he seemed to quiet himself.

Rhonda briefly wondered if the smelly woman was actually the mother after all. Looking at both calming child and beaming woman she decided that she didn't much care as long as the baby was away from that crackhead.

As the woman indulged the now seeming to be content bundle of quiet Rhonda hoped that she could get her eat and drink on and then be on her way.

"There was a lady.... the mother I think. Can you see that he is taken care of? He will be much better off without her, I know this."

The woman displayed a very serious look on her face.

"I know who you are talking about. She comes in here and steals food. Causes trouble. This time she went too far. Thank you for getting the baby back for me. I can't believe that I almost let him get away."

"So you are the mother then?" Rhonda asked through her smile.

The woman just stared. Fuck it. Rhonda didn't need details. She was just happy to be able to help. Of course now that she could go about her business there was that matter of her food and that drive-thru fiasco. As everything came flooding back to the pools of her mind she remembered there was a little gold pin on the womans breast. Though now obstructed by the bundle of baby Rhonda knew very well that meant she was a manager. This was most helpful.

"I was trying to get some food earlier at the drive-thru but the guy had a.... communication problem." The last part was squeaked out in embarassment. She imagined hardly anybody here spoke much English as seemed to be the case damn near everywhere else these days. She was actually with impressed with the woman, who paused before she appeared to be heading towards the kitchen and laughed.

"That is Pedro. I am very sorry about that. You go up to the front counter and tell Carmen that Maria said to give you whatever you want. Free of charge, of course." They both smiled at this.

Just then the baby erupted into a screaming frenzy. Maria pulled him closer to her breast and started back towards the kitchen.

"Somebody is cranky. I will take care of this. You have a nice day...." She stopped and turned back for a  moment,"....And thank you again."

Rhonda smiled and headed to the bathroom so she could wash her hands before going to get her food. On her way from the bathroom she realized that she had left her wallet in the blanket with the baby. She looked around the restaurant and saw no one either out in front or behind the counter. No big deal she thought. Maria had been going towards the kitchen. She would certainly still be there.

Walking down the hallway towards the kitchen Rhonda noticed a poster on the wall that advertised the countdown to a new menu item. Chick-a-dee taco bites. She would have to remember that for it sounded damn tasty.

As she drew closer and closer to the kitchen she became aware of singing. A familiar tune that she couldn't quite place. Then standing in the doorway it hit her. Both the song and what was going on in the kitchen before her. Maria was standing overtop of the baby on the counter and held a meatcleaver in her hand as she sang "Mama had a baby and his head popped off." Just then the cleaver dropped and cut through the neck of the baby. As the blood sprayed from the tiny neck stump Rhonda stared on in horror and confusion. She still didn't know if Maria was the mother of the baby. But as the thought of chick-a-dee taco bites sounded less appealing than they did only seconds ago, the babies head did in fact pop off and then roll onto the floor.


*****This was a result of an old scribbles writing challenge that I never posted. The challenge was to write something that started with the line "How big was it?" I actually did 2 stories for this challenge. I think I posted the other one. I don't really remember off the top of my head. I know this was one I kept to myself though.*****