HOW TO GET A SEX CHANGE

A Guest blog by Girl Wood-

I was in the bookstore the other day and saw the most interesting book title. I don't remember it exactly at this very moment because I live in the now and that was then. But it did really arouse my curiosity at the time. The book was called something to the effect of " how I became a man" by this person named Chaz Bono. I thought to myself "wow what a cool thing for somebody to share with others." I mean, there are lots of people who wake up every single day and desperately cling to ideas of how to make the most of their gender. To be able to do so and then share that joy with others so that they might benefit in the same fashion is so noble that for a moment I felt an intense pride to be a member of the human race.

I picked up the book and began to finger the pages and upon my sleuthing I would discover that Chaz Bono is not in fact a man detailing his journey of self discovery at all but rather was once a woman named Chastity who decided to become this man now called Chaz. The whole thing then took my thoughts in another direction. Don't worry I didn't vomit in my mouth and then swallow it back down or anything. If somebody wants to add or subtract to the equation of their bodies that is all good in my opinion. I do admit that had I been this Chaz Bono now man the whole adjustment from being a cute little girl who once wore pigtails now transformed into resembling Tony Soprano would probably require some intense therapy. But she ....sorry ....he ....seems to be truly happy with the results of this transformation as beauty ...or in this case beast ......is only in the eyes of those who pass you by on the streets and do a double take and then come running up to you to ask what the final moments of the Sopranos series finale really meant.

Chaz Bono has laid bare her .....sorry .....his .....soul and in doing so this will obviously help many others who wish to someday undertake their own journey from the confines of having to use only mens or womens bathrooms to the operating table and breaking free from traditional gender roles and becoming someone that can defy the boundaries of the soul. This is the ultimate in decision making. You've been there and done that and in crossing over the best of both worlds you might have been just a man but never always a woman and now you are ready to roar like a lion out of the cage whatever the hell you are.

Though Bono has her .....sorry ....his .....intentions well in place though there is one thing that she ....sorry ....he .....has neglected to think about. It is obvious with her .....sorry ....his ....celebrity status comes enormous financial support. But what about all of the less stable and unstable who wish to become something else and someone else and yet can never dream of affording such an option? Surely these operations cost a shitload of money and who the hell can get on with life as a newly found something or other when they have accrued mad medical bills?

In taking a cue from Chaz Bono I have decided to research and detail methods of changing your sex that are far more affordable to the average Joe or Jane. At some point I do plan on writing a book of my own and reaping millions in not only pocket but soul as well from knowing of all the people that I can bring my vast knowledge to and the humane effects this knowledge can accumulate. As we are often so defined by our sexuality this can somewhat be likened to saving the world. This would sort of make me a God. A goddess, rather.

In order to properly break down the walls of all hood and allow those who wish to transcend their binding genders embark on a journey from bad spirit to good spirit it can best be defined through the exploration and explanation of three primary areas. These of course being mind,body, and soul. 

So you were born a woman and wish to become a man, eh? Well this would be the easier of the changes to be carried out. After all, men are easy to sum up. Dicks and dumbells. Not a whole lot else going on there.

1) Mind-

the keys to this great kingdom we all seek personal refuge and spiritual enrichment within are what lies in our hearts and minds. People will argue that what either dangles or dips inward the lower abdominal areas are often what defines our gender and thus our species and in fact will make our world go round. This is not so. Just because someone has a fifteen inch dick that extends toward the sun and balls bigger than Florida oranges does not mean they are rightfully able to be considered a man in the essence of the phrase. In fact, lots of these men with freakishly deformed private parts are troubled souls and tend to crave solace through becoming priests or porn stars. It's sad and it's bad I know. But all hope is not lost.

Though home is where the hard is it can only be when we take those roads through our hearts and minds on our way home that we can indeed prosper thoroughly. This requires much in the way of training and tranning should you decide to make the big switchover. Small things like toilet seat etiquette and public displays of flatulence are equally as monumental to maintaining the origin of the species as the more notably epic articles of being a man pig. Posture. Dialect. Scratching your balls and ass crack are essential. Oh, and do note that when scratching these areas you are man now, so please do not ever excuse yourself to wash up before mingling in crowds. This can only result in stare downs and hushed rooms.

You will need to learn all of the names of the teams who participate in your favorite sport. A very important part of , as will be belching and fondling yourself along with others even if not given permission to do so. You're a man now. Permission is never necessary for rampant displays of your manliness.

There are going to be several holdovers from your life as a woman. A couple that immediately spring to mind are shopping and intellectual banter. Some fine establishments that cater to mens needs are liquor stores and sporting good outlets. What to look for and what to pick out are up to the individual connoisseur. Just realize that you are a man now so don't take too fucking long in the store because you have to get back home. Your couch misses you.

Should the transition of shop time be far more taxing on your psyche than anticipated the best way to adapt to your man status is by becoming a computer nerd. Though sacrificial in its essence as you also have to alter grooming habits and behavioral patterns. In fact, please bear in mind that computer nerds are not even truly men in the sense that makes them men. Once again, the individual makes the calls. But if you are going to become a man why go part way?

Though only the basics, these initial steps toward adapting to manhood are indeed steps in the proper direction.

2) Body-

stop wearing socks and hold onto your cocks. You're a man baby. No more brainwaves. Only the intellectual equivalency of chickenscratch. You won't be needing any more scruples or common sense. Dick Dick Dick. It's all about the dick now. Be sure that you give yourself a good one. Nothing says more that you are ready to be a man than having yourself a great big dick made to swing around and insert into dark places that now won't even require your discretion. You're a man now and a man is a sexual beast. So therefore you know not what discretion shall be.

In fact, if you are a now man or once man reading this you don't even understand what I just said. Just make it big.

All you need to know.

If you can afford something on the sturdy side my best suggestion would be to find a broom stick and saw the portion off that you wish to claim as your own. Do know that since you used to be a woman and have a crevice to fill you will need to size yourself up a safety margin because once you have shoved the piece of wood into the vagina you no longer wish to use for worldy domination and control of a sex that no longer excites you into moisture there will be a portion of the broom stick submerged in the hole being filled.

The hole will need to be made safe for housing this ghetto made sex organ that is going to run your life now so first you must squirt an ample amount of crazy glue into your pussy. Since you will need to penetrate those hard to reach areas so as the wood should never become dislodged and give you splinters there are several methods that can ensure the drench of the trench.Smearing the glue on a dildo will work. You will need to rotate the dildo for several minutes though as you will need to make certain the walls and corners are sufficiently drenched with whatever binding agent you choose. Oh, and by the way do know right away that rubber cement is not acceptable. It's ghetto as fuck and a lot cheaper but it will not work. It also has a distinctive aroma that when confined into one area will eventually spread its vapors into the skin and cause all sorts of issues for the man to be.

Hands down the best way to make absolutely sure that your new dick will find a safe and healthy environment to erect its prowess high and mighty would be the double dime procedure. This dual action method will require a caulking gun as well as a dildo with a length best suited for the individual. Even though you are going to become a man and upon which all caring will cease to exist you must practice safety first in your anatomy change. Nobody wants an infected old pussy hole with a loosely managed piece of wood splintering your tender now closed up vaginal walls. Out of sight and out of mind only means out of reach for proper medical attention.

Once you have set the glue and firmly placed the measured portion of the stick into its new casing you will need to squeeze your legs together really tight and allow for the setting of the adhesive to hold well enough that you can dress yourself. Do note that the piece of wood will always remain erect and while one might initially believe the constant appearence of arousal might be a drawback in public interaction, in the terms of being a man this is a good thing.

Next comes the garnish or pubic region. Those with curly hair might favor their ego and promote an air of authenticity through the utilizing of tufts of their own hair. This is not recommended as nature and activity will damage the integrity of the display. Not that men need to care about appearence in any way but nobody seriously wishes to have a weather beaten bush. The best way around this would be to use a brillo pad. Those who fancy themselves more adventurous can explore other options such as weaving and coloring.

For the decision maker in all of us and the quest for the perfect set of testicles there are two routes to go here. Those who wish to make use of excess flab can twist that flabby skin on each side of their proud new cock into balls only as big as ones own imagination and then tighten these clumps with either washers or clothespins. Do note that wood does tend to collect a mildew smell upon becoming wet so much more maintenance would obviously be a requirement here. Once again, not that men need to be concerned with hygiene in any way. Just know that most women will probably not go down on you should your private region smell like a musty end table.

Those wishing to experiment a little can use either golf balls or tennis balls. Just cover the side you would like to hide with crazy glue and press for at least three to five minutes against your skin and before you know it you got the biggest balls of them all. Of the sex organs the testicles are the part that shall require the most in maintenance.

Protection from either injury or loss altogether should be exercised through constant cupping and fondling to make sure they have not become loosened or misplaced. Once again this goes with the territory of what it truly means to be a man by merely holding onto your balls at all times.

A side note though- the use of round fruits or vegetables should be exercised with extreme caution as food does spoil and will promote an air of shrinkage. In the world of being men this is just not cool. 

3) Soul-

you're a man now. You have the appearence and the parts. So what is next?  The component that can function as your missing piece and truly complete the equation of what it means to be a man is mindset. You must never cry. Even should there be a Memorial day John Wayne marathon and you find yourself drunk, alone and lapsing into nostalgia. Weakness is only mildly acceptable when you're alone and there is a ten second cutoff. The best way to combat such melancholy is to find yourself a friend who will overlook any unsightly scars that you might have from performing surgery on yourself and lick from the tip of your circus tent all the way under the taint and back up through the crusty valley until climaxing at the destination of the tip of anal city. Obviously this will have to be a really good friend but that is what being a man is all about. All friends should be with benefits and once you learn this to be so your life as a male has advanced you to a higher plane of substance. Well, higher in that man sort of way.

The road to womanhood from the sweaty and hairy city is a far more difficult journey of which one must make travel. You will need to bring a change of clothes and some mood music for the ride. Preferably some Celine or Beyonce to get you started off right.


1) Mind-


goodbye pork pie and hello dolly! You're a woman now. You get to go shopping all you want and lay out in the sun all day drinking penis colonics showing off those curves and balances. First things first? Maintenance. The body can only truly achieve its greatness from the eases and oozes of the mind. You have work to do. You will need to embark on your path of enlightenment by excelling in the one thing that you never have known before now because it just didn't matter. Caring. Yes, you need to care. About everything. In fact, you are probably going to have to consult a professional and do lots of reading because you are going to have to care too much about everything. Even shit that doesn't matter. You're a woman now. No more waxing on and waxing off. Only wax on and please don't stop baby.

How do you look? How do you feel? How do you look and feel versus how you wish that you could look and feel? How do you look and feel versus how you wish that you could look and feel in comparison to how others interpret how you look and feel as well as how they wish to accept how you look and feel on terms both uniquely their own as well beneficial to you? Nothing matters more now that you are a  woman. Should there be any leftover apathy from when you were only pointing and grunting the one important question that you need to ask yourself is this ......what does indeed matter now? The answer? Everything. Learn it. Live it. Know it. Love it. Everything matters and nothing less.

Things like learning how to pee are only small delicately shaped and lightly seasoned potatoes on the plate of life and downed the hatch with a glass of Chardonnay for something much more fulfilling. The big picture. So in fact, how to pee is not so much as important as how to be. This shall be the first and most valuable lesson to be learned upon becoming a woman. Heart and mind. Body and soul. All will fall into place once you have simply learned how to be.

Caring and sharing are the most essential ingrediants on the menu of womanhood. Oh, and how to accessorize. This is all very important.

While it would be virtually impossible to contemplate all the things you never cared about as a member of the opposite sex just know this one bit and bundle of wisdom .....material ....existential .....it all requires caring way too much about it. This is the one true law of what it means to be a woman. Things like hygiene and the balance of personal and professional will all come under control once you have figured out that life is not about food and water so much as the ability to care what you eat and drink and where it comes from. Oh, and shoes. Gotta have the right shoes to go with every meal and sip of refreshment that your newly improved life has to offer.

2) Body-

due to the complexities of the medicine world the conversion of male to female genitalia is the single most worrysome alteration in making the big change. This obviously requires much thought and expertise to be modified properly. Since these steps I am detailing only apply to those who lack funding of such an undertaking there is only one way to go about this. You must first chop it off. How you do it is entirely up to you. Some might even have a hard time parting with the organ altogether and wish to keep it as a souvenir in a jar or something. This seems to go against the concept of moving forward and is not recommended what so ever.

Though you are now going to become one of the fairer sex and that piece of meat dangling between your legs is the only thing hanging in the balance and preventing you from being one of us I do understand that slicing through the skin with a knife until you are able to rip it off might be a traumatic experience for many. An enormous amount of alcohol is my suggestion to get over this hump. A bottle of the poison of your choice will do just fine. Drink about three quarters of it before you decide that you are ready. Please drink responsibly though and only give yourself baby sips because otherwise you'll either pass out or vomit or both and then upon regaining your total concentration you'll realize that you still have a dick and this will be most upsetting to someone wishing to become a woman.

Once you have gotten through much of the bottle you take the rest of what is left and set it aside. This will come in handy once you have made the incision. Pull back your skin and slice into the base of your cock. Once you have sliced downward about halfway through and it is only dangling by the lower portion of the tissue it is advisible to pour a healthy dash of the alcohol onto the wound. The pain from the liquor burning the inside of your flesh will be so excruciating that you will forget that you are almost ready to finish cutting off your dick. It is best to scream as loudly and for as long as possible. Once you feel a numbing in your throat from this screaming just strike down at a 75 degree angle and slash through the remaining skin of your dick. Once the organ has been completely severed hold it above your head like you are Rambo and scream some more until the fountain of blood reduces itself. This helps to part with not only the pain itself but mostly signifies a final bursting of manhood on your way into the tunnel. Rambo is all man. You are now ready to leave that behind you.

What you do with this piece of meat that was only holding you back from a thoughtful existence is once again to your discretion. I do not suggest holding onto what was then in your pursuit of what is now though. There are any number of ways to deal with this former nemesis. For those in swampy locales maybe feed it to an alligator? If this doesn't apply to you might I suggest taking it to the zoo and throwing it in the monkey cage? This would do wonders for the ego because think of all the fun that the oppressive organ you no longer will be needing is going to provide for the monkeys and their spectators.

Next you are going to have to dispose of your dingleberries. This can be done in one of two ways. For those who are completely insane in their throes of soon to be womanhood you can slice them off either separately or together.

Those who are truly out of their minds are far more likely to feel that each ball deserves its own cut. These types will surely make the most of their woman status. But for those who would be pussies in the spirit of soon having a pussy you can just reach into the pouch of bleeding flesh made as a result of cutting your dick off and pull the balls out one at a time. For an extra added effect might I suggest throwing them on the ground and stomping them into a pulpy mash?

Now that you have parted with your beef stick and its nutty tag alongs it is time to make a pussy pancake. For this you will be needing sand paper to scratch away the remnants of the massacre you have now made to your genital area. Simply scratch the surrounding area with the sand paper until the area is flattened, thus creating the illusion of a pancake. Once the blood dries you merely pick the scabs and are now ready to make the most important incision of your life. Carving what will indeed set you leaps and heaps ahead of the game. You are going to make yourself a vagina.

Pussy controls the world. Believe it. Look at this President guy. He isn't doing shit unless Mrs. President guy says that it's okay. Why? Because if he does and it manages to disagree with the only politics that do truly matter (this being vaginal) this motherfucker ain't gonna get himself no more pussy. Forget being called the first lady. Having a vagina will make you first. Period.

Take your place in the world and as a girl and bring it on. First you will need to sharpen the blade of your cutting tool all the way to the tip because you will have to bring correctness from the very first slit. Place the sharpened tip of your blade at the top of the taint area. A good enough reference point can be deduced while your eyes are squeezed shut from the pain that soon will magically disappear once you have been made woman. With your eyes tightly closed try and think back when you were inferior and were only ruled by your dick and balls. The more emotional types will smile, but only slightly, and while in reminiscence try and recall where the bottom edges of your ball sac once used to be. Okay, now quickly poke the tip of the blade into the skin and burrow only about an inch.

With the knife held firmly in place shove it inside of you about two to three more inches and then slice upward until stopping at about ten inches underneath of your belly button. Exact measurements are not required as vagina placement is only as unique as every woman should be. Obviously though you don't wanna cut too far. Maybe count to four while cutting. There. That sounds about right.

Allow the air to hit the wound for about thirty seconds and then take a powerdrill and hollow out the center of the cut. For better width and depth one should make a windmill motion while drilling into themselves. When you are finished with the pussy area simply fold the edges of the skin around it. Stitch the four corners of the new pussy with needle and thread so as to keep your new lips peeled back tightly and then pour a dash of crazy glue around the edges of the stitching. Do make certain you do not pour too much glue though because it will drip inside of the wound and become infected. If this happens you will have to reach inside of the hole and pick out the dried glue particles and this can damage the integrity of the lipping. Not cool.

Next you will simply remove the stitching all around the edges of the hole and once you have done so you are now the proud owner of a brand spanking new, although still only 77% anatomically correct, female sex organ. But a pussy is a pussy is a pussy is a pussy. Damn right. A side note to fans of piercings and other bizarre shit- some of you may wish to be creative and maybe carve the pussy in the shape of a cross or a happy face maybe. This is all entirely up to you but before doing so stop for a moment and think just how stupid this will look once you have become older or should you ever decide to become a satanist. Just keep it simple and the shape and beauty of your vagina will never go out of fashion.

Bushes that resemble jungles in the amazon pretty much went out of style years ago. Many will choose the awe inspiring bare essence of a bald pussy. Once again this is entirely left up to the owner of the ownage. Should you wish to wish to include garnish in your display please refer back to the body portion of the woman to man conversion and read the pubic hair suggestions. Though do note that coloring options and styling are much more elaborate with newly made women. Might I suggest frosting your cooter cake?

Womanhood does not involve slouching unless you are in fact a hunchback. In this case you really should have that thing moved or removed altogether because no man is ever going to buy you dinner and no dress is ever going to fit you. My suggestion would be to have the bunched up part of your flesh slit down the middle by a professional or a friend so that the fatty tissue can be drained. Depending on the size of the hump you could even use the meat and tissue to make some really great knockers if your insurance will cover it. The liquidy parts can even be jellified and frozen for home use. Just fill up jars or buckets with the spew of your deformity and when you need a little extra incentive and feel like giving yourself a damn good facial just thaw out the lard and use it as skin creme. You are going to have to dispose properly of the bones though. Bones are just .....ewwww. Gross.

For those who are not hunchbacks and have to rely on non-skin articles to make the perfect pair of tits the best thing to use would be basketballs. This will require more cutting and stitching though as you will have to slice under each of your nipples with your cutting utensil and then shove the balls underneath of the skin. Do make certain the cuts are large enough to support the shape and size of the basketball because otherwise when you go to seal the wound up the skin will tear and this will present an even bigger problem. Once fitness and longevity of the boob has been established you sew up the skin and then once sealing has completed in a couple of weeks you just rip out the stitches and enjoy the jiggling. Hooray for boobies!

3) Soul-

the soul of a woman is a light that never goes out. The bulb might dim itself on occasion should poor judgement be acted upon in times of crisis or indulgence but once the woman in you has gotten up from being on her back either through suppression or her sex drive she only has to dust herself off and take a long hot bath before putting on that new outfit she bought at the sale last week. It is my opinion that women are not made like robots but rather must be born and evolve themselves through trial and error. Thus I believe that no one who was born a man can ever truly become a woman. In theory and anatomical sense yes. But in essence? Absolutely not.

The true spirit of being a man is found in their jeans. The essence of what it means to be a woman is in their genes. You can take away the dick and the balls. You can give it some hellacious tits. You can even teach it to walk in high heels. But a man is just a man and despite some snips and nicks here and there and the desire to be feminine the idea of only being womanly versus actually being woman is an impossible mission. Women are divine both in nature and spirit. After all, we can give birth and queef. Men will never truly be women no matter how hard they try or how deep they cut. Sorry. Just not gonna happen.

A final thought overall- I don't take any issue with anyones sexuality. Who desires who is at the very least a step above the pondering of who desires what. This referring to the people who fuck barnyard animals or inanimate objects. Beyond the libido and the convenience of having the proper equipment to get your groove on I simply do not understand why any woman would ever wish to become a man. Just be lesbians. At least you're a woman. If you feel the need to go butch go out and buy yourself a leather jacket. Sure beats having to look in the mirror every day and see Tony Soprano.

*****Original post date 6/16/2011. From Girl Wood blog*****