SUPER BOWEL TRIBUTE

In celebration of Super bowl sunday I wanted to do something special. While I am not exactly a tremendous fan of football, and therefore never exactly excited over the super bowl, I do get excited over a good bowel movement. Bowl, bowel, tomato, potato..... whatever. It's all the same shit if you're stupid and can't read or spell. Ohhhhhh, but everybody certainly can smell though. So, in tribute of super bowl and super bowels I give you an A to Z of my favorite songs about fecal matter. Why? Because pounds of mounds or almondy joy from a girl or a boy, fecal does indeed matter, that's why.


 A. Always a woman by Billy Joel (This is the truest sentiment of real love a man can have for a woman. Basically he is saying "Baby, no matter how pungent your ass smells.... even if you pass clouds of gas the size of volley balls and excrete milky way bars without flushing.... you're always a woman to me" ..... I am all about romance)

B. Boom boom pow by the Black eyed peas (Don't you hate it when that happens?)

C. Chocolate salty balls by Chef (Yeah.... not a good thing)

D. Do you really want to hurt me? by Culture club (I sing this to my bowels daily. I especially hate it when they answer back)

E. Every breath you take by The Police ( another romantic gem. Every breath you take. Every shit you make. Woman.... I love you... and your bowels too. You fill me up with brown pride)

F. Fight for your right to party by the Beastie boys (I just came from the Salvadorian buffet and there's a party in my stomach working its way to that dance floor in my drawers. Lord, please help me find a mens room with quickness)

G. Genie in the bottle by Christina Aguilera (Many years before she would make tabloid history with her Led Zeppelin impression singing at a funeral and allowing the juice to run down her leg this underage misfit gave us this hit, which is actually an ode chock full of snickery metaphors for having to take a dump and being nowhere near a toilet. Really good pop music gives us hope. The message here was if you have hope..... and drive real fast.... and don't wreck in the process..... ye shall be rewarded hopefully before the poop runs down your leg)

C'mon, c'mon
Ooh, yeah
C'mon, c'mon
Ooh
I feel like I've been locked up tight
For a century of lonely nights
Waiting for someone
To release me
You're licking your lips and blowing kisses my way
But that don't mean I'm gonna give it away
Baby, baby, baby
(Baby, baby, baby)

Ohhh
My body's saying let's go
Ohhh
But my heart is saying no

If you wanna be with me
Baby, there's a price to pay
I'm a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way
If you wanna be with me
I can make your wish come true
You gotta make a big impression (oh yeah)
Gotta like what you do

(Don't even tell me that whole rubbing the right way is not a nod to rubbing one out. After that shitty leg incident I ain't having it. Oh yeah, and I might wanna have some kisses blown my way, but please XXXtina, no ass to mouth)

H. Hollaback girl by Gwen Stefani (this song is the be-all end-all of fecal matter)

I heard that you were talking shit
And you didn't think that I would hear it
People hear you talking like that, getting everybody fired up
So I'm ready to attack, gonna lead the pack
Gonna get a touchdown, gonna take you out
That's right, put your pom-poms down, getting everybody fired up

(then followed by several choruses of)

Ooh, this my shit, this my shit
Ooh, this my shit, this my shit
Ooh, this my shit, this my shit
Ooh, this my shit, this my shit

(How obvious can you be? Although, I could have done without the part about her shit being bananas. I was thinking peanuts might be a little more of a party. Shitty bananas just makes me think of those monkeys at the zoo who think they're quarterbacks. In fact, scratch that. Maybe bananas is more fitting for our Super Bowely theme)


I. I'm so excited by the Pointer Sisters (this could very well be a good song to potty train children with. I already get plenty excited when I have to take a dump. Singing this would probably send me into cardiac arrest)

J. Just my imagination by The Temptations (The official theme song and stink appointed national anthem of constipation)

K. Kung fu fighting by Carl Douglas ( for those days you just feel like throwing your feces at people you love, another monkey fueled anthem. This guy makes some great poop noises in this song too. Like Bob Dylan, but way cooler)

L. La bamba by Richie Valens (See that is how those foreign people get a huge hit in the US. They make a catchy song in their native language and have everybody singing it.... then you realize what its about and feel silly... in this case.... la bamba.... meaning Yay! Bathroom!)

M. Measure of a man by Sam and Mark (the true measure of a man is not the size in his Levi's, it’s the amount of stack that exudes from his crack)

N. No more words by Berlin (yeah , sometimes..... afterwards.... there are just...)

O. Oops! I did it again by Britney Spears (before prancing around the red carpet in mini-skirts going commando and beating up Volvos in the name of Satan, she farted and sharted in lieu of being remotely smarted. Oh, Britney! You queen of flatulence you. What a turd burgling minx she is)

P. Patience by Guns 'n' Roses (another mammoth ode to hope courtesy of a band that pretty much became the poster children for no hope)

Q. Que sera sera by Doris Day (when I hear Doris Day singing anything I immediately think of bowel movements. I mean, she sings with such clarity and beauty.... much like a good bowel movement. I have uttered this sentiment many times after squeezing one out. Besides, song titles that begin with Q are rather limited)

R. Rock lobster by the B-52's (yeah, we all want a little fluff in our puff. But, sometimes we just end up with a little gruel for stool)

S. Smells like teen spirit by Nirvana (teen spirit, team spirit. Super bowl, super bowel. It's all gonna need to be thrown in the wash at the end of the day)

T. Tainted love by Soft Cell (I have hummed this tender little ditty many a time soiling my drawers)

U. Under pressure by Queen/David Bowie (this.... this is just not cool)

V. Voodoo chile by Jimi Hendrix (I am quite a fan of chile. Eating chili peppers in chile while vacationing in Chile is the shit. Literally)

W. What a wonderful world by Louis Armstrong (now, come on... you know you have felt like humming or singing this sometimes as you make that special drop that just doesn’t seem to wanna let go)

X. Xanadu by Olivia Newton John (they originally spelled it Xanadoo but thought this looked more science fiction to go with the movie. Little did they know that nothing could be more science fiction than a planet of shit)

Y. You've lost that loving feeling by the Righteous Brothers (we've all had that special kind of love. We all have also lost it down a toilet bowl where it is set free into the sewer system as well)

Z. Zip a dee doo dah by Uncle Remus (it's like an instruction manual. Zip. Deeeeeee. Doo. Dahhhhhhhhhhh)


*****This is a complete re-working of an old blog taken from the Musicequalzorgasm blog page. The original date was 2/7/2010, which was Super Bowel Sunday then. Since today is also Super Bowel Sunday, and I am in the midst of resurrecting old blogs I decided this was a perfect one to dust off and give a facelift.*****