“I love a parade.”
Somebody said that once and it just kind of stuck.
Maybe it was Harvey Milk as he marched proudly through the Castro district proclaiming his pride in both his humanity and sexual orientation.
Maybe it was Charles Whitman as he gritted his teeth and grumbled a twisted sort of anti-humanitarian pride.
But, one thing is for sure . . . . Everybody loves a good media circus and parade, just like a good car crash.
The watchful and scrutinizing eyes of the media and the public are still all over Tiger Woods. I mean Jesus, you'd think we all never seen a scandal before. Surely Tiger is not the first guy to mess around on his wife. He certainly ain't the first guy to get caught doing it either.
Forbes magazine estimated his current worth at nearly a billion dollars late last year. A billion dollars! Think about just how much that is. The whole thing makes me cringe because all I can think about is Eddie Murphy in "Raw" and that whole bit about Johnny Carson and his "half. "
How do you get back at a philandering man? Well, if he is worth a billion dollars, taking half of his shit sure sounds like an ideal plan to me.
A lot of Woods' income is a result of endorsements, so I understand that is the catalyst behind his enduring public relations campaign to seek redemption. Anybody can surely understand that. One gets his hand caught in the cookie jar you don't allow your hand to be cut off. You wash it really good so you can wake up feeling refreshed and start grabbing yourself some more cookies.
I would also be willing to bet that Tiger Woods has seen "Raw" a few times. Anybody who is married and worth more than a million dollars should see it in their lifetime.
I am not surprised at the amount of attention this thing is getting because it all goes back to that car crash thing. We as a species just love to watch our own crash and burn. It transcends mere envy into a much darker and far more begrudging territory.
The marriage between a man and a woman is just that. It’s between the man and the woman. The media and public and the paparazzi and all of this other shit is just out of line and seriously needs to leave these people alone and let them work their own shit out rather than continuing coverage and play by play examination of every single thing that happens here.
Apparently the wife has just moved back into the house. Okay, and this is news why? Who gives a shit? Give the couple some peace and let them work it out in their house.
Now that the doors are closed and that Tiger made his speeches and pleas for clemency, the subject has turned to his career and his future. Will he endure? Will he bounce back and reclaim that billion dollar status?
Many people I have talked to have already said no. Okay, fine. But why? I mean, realistically speaking . . . . If the guy is so torn up inside and in such an emotional shambles that he can never play golf again and he just starts to suck, yeah fine he's done, I agree.
But, if the entire world has embraced someone because they are a master at their craft and they make a bad judgment call and then all of a sudden that same world abandons their fanship, then no . . . . No, fuck that. That is just ridiculous to me. Not to mention wrong as hell.
Hey look, I don't give two shit’s about Tiger Woods. He cheated on his wife and I have no respect for him for that. I also happen to find golf as exciting as watching fruit flies fuck each other. But, Tiger Woods is not the first person, celebrity or otherwise, to make a mistake and get caught and try to atone for it.
People keep analyzing his speeches and his movements as he spoke and speculating his sincerity. So, once again I must ask . . . . Why? The guy fucked up. He apologized for it. Who cares if he was serious or how serious or why he did it or whatever? He did it. Fine. Let him move on.
Tiger Woods is not the first celebrity to be caught in a scandal. I do agree that these celebrities seem to have this whole powertrip in thinking that they are exempt from acting with some couth and dignity. But, you get thrusted in the spotlight and make a billion dollars and see how you act.
I'm not making excuses for anybody. But, it goes back, again again, to that car crash thing and a majority of the public is empty in their own lives, so they feel it necessary to thrive on the shame and misery of others.
People just want to jump on the bandwagon, and if that bandwagon just so happens to be bashing a certain celebrity this week, then it’s "all abooooooard."
Unless a celebrity does something really off the deep end they are usually allowed back into people’s hearts. Hell, even some people who I think did go off the deep end seem to have been allowed back in.
Michael Phelps is a local hero in my area. They had Michael Phelps day. Had a parade and everything. Oh, but the guy gets caught smoking some weed and all of a sudden he is a not a hero anymore?
Well, that lasted about five minutes until people moved on to someone else. Now, you can see Phelps on TV advertising for Subway. I always found humor in that because unless I was high and had the munchies really bad I wouldn't eat there in the first place.
Rob Lowe not only was a victim of 80's hair, but he once made a sex tape with a 16 year old girl. Back then times were much simpler. He went on Arsenio Hall, apologized, back in business and still going to this day.
R. Kelly made a video where he peed on a 14 year old girl. He was also apparently married to Aaliyah when she was only 15. He even writes songs about his sexcapades. That guy’s career doesn't seem to be suffering too much. Besides, his watery escapades have given way to some of the funniest jokes ever.
Michael Richards shouted "fire" in a crowded movie theater and got exiled from the planets consciousness. Okay, it wasn't "fire" he shouted and it was in a comedy club. Still, he was up for the coveted most hated of all time award. But, recently it’s been proven that as long as he is back yukking it up with Jerry and company everyone likes him just fine.
Even our own president got in on the scandal business a while back. This guy couldn't even just cop to his shit. He had to lie about it on public television as the nation sat there and watched, shaking their heads and wagging their fingers.
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”
First off, her name was Monica, Bill. . . . . And I got a newsflash for ya . . . . . Getting a blowjob constitutes a sexual relation. But, what do you expect from a politician? He didn't even inhale, apparently. He made up for it though by making everybody aware of the proper use for Altoids mints.
I think Mel Gibson has obviously not heard that old saying “never shit where you eat.”
I mean, calling a female police officer "sugar tits" is fine only because it’s the name of a cereal. So, maybe he was just asking for a bowl of his favorite cereal.
But, it’s one of the largest known myths that the Jews run Hollywood. So, being an actor . . . . And denouncing the Jewish people? Yeah, not such a good idea. Way to shoot yourself in the foot there, Mellie Mel.
But, Mel has a new girlfriend and a new movie and its business as usual.
John Mayer seems to be experiencing a really pungent case of verbal diarrhea right now. Seriously John, just play the guitar and shut the fuck up. Just a suggestion.
Jesus, and Michael Jackson . . . . . Do I really even need to go there at all? "There" is a literal field of jokes that pretty much write themselves.
I really don't care what happens to Tiger Woods or his career or his marriage or his money. Unless he is gonna give me some of it. Then, yeah. . . . . color me concerned with a permanent marker. I just think it’s hypocritical of society to allow pretty much any asshole to do whatever they want to whoever they want just because they are on TV or have a lot of money, and yet vilify Tiger Woods for whatever reason seems to make this parade seem like a worthy fiesta.
I mean, we would never want to be hypocrites would we? Of course not. Human beings are never hypocritical. Unless maybe a billion dollars is involved. Then, yeah . . . . Okay . . . . Then I guess it’s alright. You know what they say. A billion dollars can only mean payday for another proud author of the book of life.
One love.
A billion dollars.
Peekaboo.
BG
****Original post date 3/8/2010****
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