You have never really lived until you have watched another person die. Surely a point that could be disputed or questioned altogether, but from the side of the fence that I stand on, it is gospel truth.
All the things that people go on and on about wishing to find meaning in are in essence meaningless. Largest examples being love and life in general. When I first got on here I blogged about love while being blue in the balls and until I was blue in the face. I still blog about it, but one thing that can never be argued is that a man who knows love is a hell of a lot more knowledgeable than a man who knows of love. Same goes for life. I have often heard people say that life is shit. I once lamented this very same chorus. But the reality of this particular duo is simple really. Life and love have no true definition. They vary from street to street and so therefore one way of summing it all up would be to say each of them has no meaning. It's all opinions really and to the solitary heart and mind an opinion doesn't mean shit outside of its own walls.
Love is obviously something that you either do it up or you never live it down. If you find it you realize that when you are standing next to that one person who completes you there is no greater feeling in all the gallery of soul to ever be found than what you know solely from this person being in your life. Love is the shit, my friend. An opinion, yes. Mine based on how fast my own heart beats with only the mention of a name. Love means what it means. Whether that meaning is that it's all you need or that it stinks (to quote John Lennon and J. Geils band) is up to you to decide. Stop trying to define something that you'll never figure out. It's a mystery and we all love them shits. There simply are no greater mysteries to behold than love and life. Love is not the street we are traveling on today though.
Life, then.
Life is shit, huh? Well, if that is the case then you're not doing it right. In fact, if your life is shit then I don't even think it can be defined as life. We all know what shit is. Why would anybody wish to exist within that? There are all sorts of little anecdotes that people throw at you. Not real people with actual substance. It tends to be either those annoying fucks who walk around whistling all day because they can't memorize song lyrics or some street urchin who slumbers and rises, caked in the swill of their own bodies. There are too many to even begin contemplation here, but one nugget of wisdom that instantly springs to mind is "life is what you make it" or the more eloquently spoken variation "you are the captain of your own destiny." On the flip side you have my personal favorite and still going strong and proud philosophy.... shit happens. That says it all in two simple words. Shit happens (or it doesn't if you wish to elaborate even further). In that respect I suppose that life is indeed shit. Why? Because it happens.
People can work their fingers to the bone and then get bone enhancement to make up for their lack of skin and run themselves into the ground in efforts to make ends barely clip each other and still not have a single moment of pride or ecstacy to be checked at the door. You are doing what you were raised to do. Provide for yourself or a family. A noble transaction, absolutely. But, you never can get ahead of the game and one particularly gruesome day that drives you into this ground can sever all spirit and break all of your bones until you can't even afford further enhancement and so.... you stay in the ground because that is where you will need to be in order to be buried and thus relieved from your miserable existence. So, yeah.... life is what you make it? Okay.... fuck you. Stop whistling. Take a shower.
Whatever. Shit happens. Get used to it.
Sometimes, things just are. It's that mystery thing again. Life. Death. Shit happens and there are no other reasons for it other than it happened. Stop trying to figure it out. You'll give yourself a headache. But life and death are infinitely locked in coalition. Can't have one without the other. Everything that lives is eventually going to die because you can not die unless you were living in the first place. It's not a trig problem on the blackboard of life. It's just life in general.
Living. Dying. It's all the same shit. It takes equal amounts of one to fully understand the other. Although, while everybody does seem to feel an overwhelming need to get a handle on this life thing, nobody even wants to think about death. They are connected, so why not?
Why shouldn't we try and understand one in our efforts to understand the other? I will admit, I was the same way. I only thought about death as a release from the horridly shitty life that I was once non-living. I never really thought too deeply on any of it actually. Life sucks and then you die. There you have it. The truest wisdom that could ever be spoken along with "shit happens." Okay, if your life does in fact suck and then you die..... what is the point of any of it? Isn't that what life is all about? Having a point? We all like to feel that we are here for some cosmic cocktail party or something of equal relevance. It just doesn't work that way. We live.... we die. It's that simple. The fact that we were even able to get out of bed today should be enough to give us wood. Maybe this explains that morning wood thing for men. Maybe we are just so happy to wake up and be given another day that it gives us a chubby. Sounds good enough to me.
I suppose on one level I do agree with the statement "life is shit." It certainly can be. If your life is shit then you need to do something about it. This is not to say you'll be whistling "zip-a-dee-do-da" and jumping over bushes like Dick Van Dyke or anything. But if you make some sort of effort to at least figure out why your life is shit and try and change that then just maybe.... I am not saying for sure now.... but mayyyyyyybe.... your life at least won't be shit anymore. We're all different and labels are irrelevant. We are all living to die and as well we all are dying to live. Except for the ones who feel like their life is shit I would imagine.
In keeping with the whole understanding one to get to the crux of the other thing, my personal opinion is this.... none of it makes any fucking sense so why bother? We have certain control over these lives of ours. But not total. What happens happens. Sure, we can do our parts to make it a little easier but okay.... a man lives his whole life never smoking or drinking or doing drugs because he wants to enjoy his life and then he gets cancer or gets hit by a bus and dies anyway. What is the point there? There isn't one. Shit, like life or death, happens.
I think that really all we can do is concentrate on that which is our own. Before you cry foul ball this CAN include friends and family for those who actually have them and do in fact care to whatever degree. What works for you.... works for you. Babies.... love too. If that is what makes you happy, then do it. but fucking hell man (or woman), just DO IT. Stop sitting around theorizing on it or wishing for some kind of solidarity. Just figure out what keeps your life from being shit and then.... yeah, go do more of that.
I used to sit around and wax myself silly over everything. The day I woke up and decided to ignore all of the bullshit and just concentrate on what makes me happy was the single greatest decision making in my existence. I have blogged about much of this stuff before. Love. The baby thing. Not reading the paper or watching the news and stressing myself out over shit that has no meaning in my grand design. By grand design I am referring to what I see in the mirror. Plain and simple.
We all want to understand why we're here and worry ourselves that there is actually something before, during or after any of this. Classic case in point.... this athiest thing. It's like a fungus growing on my balls here lately. Who gives a shit? Really. I mean, you are alive. Be alive. You'll have plenty of time to debate what mud hole we all crawled out of or what test tube we spilled from when you fucking die. For now? Just live and be happy. If you can't be happy, at least shut the fuck up so the rest of us can have a go at it!
You really want a front row seat to the meaning of life? You are so empty or inquisitive that you really wish to know what or why you are here? Watch somebody die. Seriously. You should try it sometime. All those philosophies and bumper stickers will cease to enlighten you any further and the truth will hit you in the face like a brick. The meaning of life is simple. Don't die. When you're standing there watching another person lose the value in this statement then you will figure out what it's all about.
This all obviously works better for the final exam if the person in question is somebody close to you in some way. Although, if you have a heart at all this won't really mean so much. The fact that you are afforded the luxury of getting out of bed every day and can walk outside and smell the stink in the air and feel the concrete burn the bottoms of your feet, all while you are front and center to what could possibly be another persons last breath, will be all the education that you need be present for.
If you really do want to learn something about life you are going to have to at least shake deaths hand. Visit it one on one and talk to it. Sit down and drink your coffee with it in the morning and say "goodnight sweet death" when the pillow is calling your name. Dream about it so that when you wake up the first thought of the day can be to go bedside and check for a pulse of the person who would probably love nothing more than to be waking up and smelling that stench with you and yelping because their feet are scorched.
If you look deep enough into the pits of their eyes you just might be able to actually feel them slipping away with each passing moment. I can say from firsthand knowledge that is what it's like and with each empty space that furthers the distance between you and the other person you almost feel like a part of yourself is dying. With that much said, let me also tell you that nothing makes you understand life more and wish to cling to it yourself than this sinking feeling of experiencing someone else dying.
What is the meaning of life? Not dying. What is the meaning of death? Not living. What does any of this shit mean in the grand scheme of things? Live while you can because when you can't you'll be dead and wish that you lived more. Death is thought to be the end. The final episode. That remains to be seen by any of us and will in fact only rightfully be discovered upon checking out. Just know that death does make you stronger. Unless you are the one who is dying.
*****Original post date 6/5/2011*****
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