THE STORY OF ANA AND MIA

Once upon a time there was a girl named Ana.

Some fancied her a pretty girl if she cleaned up real good. Kind of ordinary.

But do-able enough by the standards of a male society that thinks with the little head and never the big head and would probably have sex with a hole in the wall if it had lipstick around it.

Ana was sad despite all these horny men who simply wanted to jump her bone bones.

You see, nobody had ever shown her love.

She was a flower.  A beautiful petal that would blow ever so slightly in the wind but never truly bloom in the rays of the sunlight that seemed to shine its rays of purity upon the other flowers. Or some shit like that.

Ana felt dirty.  She felt ugly.  Maybe it was because she was ugly.  But this is not sleeping beauty damnit so fuck off.

Ana tried so hard to get anybody to love her but all the boys did was call her fat. Never mind the fact that Ana weighed in at negative fifteen on the scale.

Across town there lived a fair maiden named Mia. An iron maiden because she had been hit by a bus once and had a plate in her head.

On her way home from breakdance class Ana stopped to smell the rose garden.

Being so close to the city all she could smell was cheesesteak and feces from all the subshops and homeless people who liked to poop in the streets. But Ana would always stop to smell the roses because the true beauty of life is smelling the roses. Even if all you can smell is hot melted cheesesteak and freshly expelled human waste.

She bent down on one knee and began to breath in the stench of rose petals when she was greeted with a familiar scent. Curly fries.

The smell drifted through the waves in the air and washed itself up into the pothole on her face that was Ana's big ass nose.

She looked around and saw a girl sitting underneath a coconut tree. Please ignore the fact that there are no coconut trees in the city.

Ana smiled and ran over.

"What's your name?" She asked in a bubbly tone because the smell of curly fries makes all the girls extra bubbly as they float to the yard.

"My name is Mia." Came the response after deep throating one particularly enormous curled tater treat.

"Those curly fries sure do smell good," Ana could not help licking her lips, that were crusted from all the grease and fecal matter on the wind, as she spoke.

"Would you like some?" Mia asked, holding out the last remaining fries.

"No thank you. I can not eat them," She replied, her tone infested with sadness and regret.

"Why?"

"I'm trying to be beautiful."

"But you are beautiful. Besides, what the fuck? . . . . Do you weigh negative fifteen pounds or something?"

"How did you know?!" Ana exclaimed with shock.

"I have a plate in my head. I'm psychic. I can also pick up the radio and cable tv signals from 14 major cities in the US."

"Wow. That must be noisy."

Mia finished the last of the curly fries and jumped up from the ground.

"Hold on a minute. I gotta toss my cookies."

Ana gasped in horror as Mia went behind the coconut tree that wasn't supposed to be there and she heard really loud gagging and gurgling sounds.

"Why do you toss your cookies? I love cookies. I just can not eat them because I'm too fat."

Mia wiped the saliva and remnants of tossed cookies from her lips and stood back up.

"I'm fat too. I want to be thin. No wait . . . . Scratch that. I have to be thin. No! Wait . . . . . What I mean to say is. . ."-

Mia held up her left hand and spoke clearly and sternly.

-". . . . I will be thin. I will be thin. I will be thin."

Ana looked confused.

"Why do you say it like that?"

Mia laughed.

"You have to say it three times or it won't come true. Didn't you ever see Beetlejuice you dumb bitch?"

"No. I don't like scary movies."

"I saw it on my plate one night. You should see it."

Ana looked sad.

"Well I'm gonna go. Maybe I'll see you here tomorrow."

"Okay. Yeah. Totally."

Ana went home to the small studio apartment that she lived in that was above an Indian restaurant. She really did like the smell of all that curry, even if all she could eat three days a week was a small piece of tandoori bread dipped in toilet water. Today was not one of the days she was allowed to gorge. So that night Ana laid wrapped in her filthy bed sheet on the floor and dreamed there were curly fries in her toilet bowl.

The next day Ana went to breakdancing class and did some amazing pop and lock moves with her waifish frame in hopes that some of the B boys would dig on her mad skills and flavor.

One boy in particular had caught Ana's eye. He was an uptown stud puppet with a sexy ass named Tron.

Ana wanted to squeeze Tron on his sexy ass. But Tron was gay. Besides Ana was ugly and looked freakish to Tron because she only weighed negative fifteen pounds.

Ana left breakdancing class feeling sad because she would never get to do robot sex moves with B boy Tron.

She walked down the street and all she could smell was poo and no cheesesteak. She knew that she was on Flatbrush Avenue because the name on the street sign said so.

Ana perked up with excitement because she got an idea and she knew what she must do.

She ran down the street yelling and screaming. Everybody gawked at her because she was running so fast, and she was so light in the air, that people thought that maybe she would blow away in the wind. Besides she was really loud and annoying yelling like a retard during recess.

After she went to where she wanted to go she raced to the coconut tree that wasn't supposed to be there in hopes that Mia would be there today.

She smiled at the sight of Mia sitting on the ground eating a bag of chocolate covered pretzels.

She ran up to Mia and began to jump up and down with joy.

"I brought you a present."

Mia looked up with curiosity and a chocolate ring around her mouth that really looked a whole lot like poop.

"Oh yeah?"

Ana reached into a bag and pulled out a handful of cookies.

"I figured that if you needed to toss your cookies I would bake you some special cookies and you could toss them just for me. "

"Dude that is really sweet. Thank you."

Ana thought Mia looked impressed and she was kind of cute for a waifish cookie tossing bitchwhore.

Mia gobbled up all the cookies and then held up her finger.

"Hold up a minute will ya?"

She stepped behind the coconut tree that wasn't supposed to be there and heaved up a river of sugar coated, vomity goodness.

After she wiped the sparkly drippings from her mouth she looked over at Ana and smiled.

"I read your mind with my dish. You are pretty cute too you know. Why don't you come over here and gimme a kiss?"

Ana and Mia both laid down in the comfort of the shade and made out with each other.

Ana found love. Mia had an endless supply of cookies to toss-

And they both lived together in peace and harmony-

As lesbian waifers.




***This is the first in a series of Ana and Mia stories that I posted on an old blog page. Original posting date was  6/9/2010***