DON'T CALL ME CORPSEY I'M ONLY RESTING

Childhood song-

"...a corpse is a corpse, of course of course
and no one can talk to a corpse of course
that is unless that corpse of course
isn't really fucking dead....."-

Author Unknown

You know something that has always perplexed me? When people say "rest in peace." It does sound quite nice. Resting is good. Peace? More goodness there. But, I mean.... okay, really..... what is this sentiment actually saying? The person is dead, right? They are not in fact, as you say, resting then. You know why? Because THEY'RE FUCKING DEAD! Why don't people say DIP- die in peace? Oh yeah, "die" is present tense. If someone is dead, they have already died. Let's see, how about the same letters except it's death in peace? Eh, no. Somehow that all sounds incomplete.

If someone has died and you wish for them to be at peace, that is cool. I get that. I mean, life can get hectic. The rat race stinks like a dropping from the paunch bowl sometimes. It can blow chunks even. So many people, so many lives. All lived differently. Some surely did blow chunks. But not always. If someone had a shitty life then their death should be welcomed I would imagine. I guess in this case we could say FIP- finally in peace. This is not catchy enough. I mean, I understand that RIP does have a certain ring to it. It sounds good. Everybody likes to say it whenever someone has died. Still, what are they really saying?

I like to think that RIP stands for resting is permanant. It doesn't sound nice enough though. We all know it's permanent. By this definition they are not resting. Resting implies a break. Sit down. Lay down. Don't you dare stay down. Do take a load off though. You deserve a break today, tomorrow, whenever. Just sit right down and take one then you fuck. But, if you're gonna die.... well then don't get up. We cool here?

How about SIP- sleep in peace? That sounds good. It's catchy too. Sip. I'm not resting. I'm sipping. Oh wait, too many letters. We'll have to figure out some more shit that we want to tell the dead person to do while they're dead. That is another thing. Who are we saying RIP to? Maybe in our hearts we are saying it to the dead motherfucker. If we're doing that though we're gonna have to speak up a little. Don't just say RIP, scream that shit really loud! Then it's just a nuisance to the living though, right? After all, the dead person sure ain't gonna hear us no matter how loud we yell it.

SIP sounds so soft. Peaceful even. It just doesn't sound right though. It's that whole resting thing. The person is not resting. They're not sleeping. They're dead. They're gone. Hey! theres an idea. GIP. Go in peace. Sounds like some kind of Mr. Spock shit, don't it? Yeah, lets scratch that one.

Besides, if someone is dead they can't go in peace because they already went there. Where? I don't fucking know. They're just gone. Gone in peace, hopefully. But we the living need some shit that we can say that sounds respectful and yet is snappy enough to roll off the lips just right. I have always thought AMF sounds nice. This wouldn't really work for women and most children though, so yeah..... scratch that one too.

The initial problem we face is that everybody who dies is different. Their lives and deaths. Everything we can imagine. Unique. They really only have two things in common. They lived and they died. Over and out. Hasta la vista babies. Thank you for living and good night now because your time is up. You have to die. So then, go. Get the fuck off the planet and don't let the clouds or the dirt hit you in the ass. They might not need to die, but they did. On that note, most people that really need to die seem to take forever and the ones who we most wish would stay around are given the shortest straw in the draw. Sucks, don't it?

Sometimes when we say rest in peace we really mean rot in Hell, don't we? RIH. Actually saying rot in Hell sounds pretty damn catchy if you ask me. It's not very nice though and the letters RIH mean absolutely nothing when you look at them next to each other. That is what this is all about though. Being nice. But then, who are we being nice to? We can't be nice to the dead person anymore. Who knows? Maybe if we had all been nicer to them they might not have died in the first place? Okay, now I'm just reaching for stars with the concrete scratching at my back as I begin to digress.

I don't know. I just don't get why people say RIP- rest in peace, like it really means something when in fact, it really doesn't make any sense what so ever. Yeah yeah yeah, we might be sorry that someone kicked the bucket. We might miss their shitty jokes or the way their cologne stunk up the room even before they were anywhere near it. The fact that we are saying anything at all and not taking a shit on their grave or pissing in their ashes in itself implies that we care and that we should say something nice. We cross our hearts and hope that we don't die ourselves and we pat husbands and fathers on the back and wives and mothers on the ass if she's hot and we always feel the need to say something nice. Rest in peace sounds good rolling off the tongue and it looks good in the paper or on a tombstone, but I still don't really get it and I guess that I never will until someone explains it to me. The problem there is that the next time someone says it who is gonna step up and say "Hey! What is that shit supposed to really mean?" Maybe it means something different from all those who mean well but are really thoughtless enough to say it. In which case the whole point is moot really.

I think that people should just shut the fuck up and bow their heads for a minute and open their hearts extra wide for the rest of their lives and keep the dead in these hearts and thoughts. This sure beats jockeying a dirt pile or ready made to roll up and get smoked while someone stands there trying to look sympathetic saying some shit like rest in peace. Maybe the rest in peace thing is temporary. Maybe the zombie apocalypse is upon us and until our loved ones come crawling out from the ground to eat our hearts and brains we all do hope they rest in peace.

Let's start saying ZIP- zombies in peace. People are idios. So then, we're all zombies, right? Some of us just get to stay walking above ground and others have to go away for a while. To a place where they can rest in peace. That is unless an animal digs them up and eats their carcasses like a rotting meat pie. If that happens, well..... then RIP really does make sense. They will be resting in pieces. AMF. It was nice to know you and now I hope the wind doesn't blow you.